Self Motivation

It makes me smile when I walk in to the office and I hear "hey, skinny! how's it going?"; "you are looking great" "wow, where did you go?" They just make me so proud of myself and what I am doing is going noticed. That people care about me. The other day at work I was asked "hey where did your 6 year old go?" my answer was "I don't have one" he said "yeah, no shit you lost it" it took me a few seconds to realize we was talking about the weight I lost, not a child. It is comments like that that make you say ahhhh. The other day up in the gym at work, I was working so hard and sweating really gross, one of the CO's came in and asked who I was trying to impress. - No one, I am doing this for me, and then said if mom isn't happy then no one is. I work hard at the gym, I work hard at trying to make the right decisions when I eat. I work hard at trying to eat slowly. One of the ladies at work asked me why I wasn't losing weight faster. Well it's a tool - not a miracle. It is a slow process! My goal is about 1.5 lbs a week. Hopefully I can stick with it. I would like to lose another 81lbs. Can I do it? Of course I can it is going to mean long hard days at the gym - making the right decisions with food, and activity! The LAP-BAND is a tool to assist you - it doesn't lose the weight for you. I have gotten to know many people that had the procedure done and get very upset because it is taking so long to lose the weight. The key is patience. You must have patience and a goal - work for it. Just saying you are doing it is a lot different from actually doing it. It's like saying hey I just joined the gym. What is not said is oh I don't really use it, I just carry the card for status. It all comes down to self motivation - only you can do this, You have to be positive. You need to love yourself, and want this for your self, you have to work at it for yourself!

Updated Measurements

Well I've seen the pics and the clothing sizes go down. I took some measurements today and compared them to July when I first and last took them. The results are in:

• .....................July 10 2008...... Jan 17 2009
• Thigh ..........26 1/2 ..................23 1/2
• calf ...............17 1/2 ..................15 3/4
• ankle .............9 1/4 ...................8 7/8
• upper arm ...16 .........................15
• wrist.............. 7 1/2..................... 7 1/4
• neck ..............15 .........................14 1/4
• stomach......... 44 1/2............... 42 1/2
• waist.............. 50 1/2............... 48 1/4

for a grand total of 10 5/8 inches loss. That is a lot, and I am soo excited.

Toxic people

To all of you who say this is the easy way out! BITE ME! This is by far one of the hardest thing I've ever had to go through. I have to watch what I eat and portion control. Not just words that we've all learned one day to explain a diet - but real portion control! 1 cup or 6-8ox of protein, 1/4 cup vegetable and fruit, make sure you get enough protein in each day - don't forget the dairy! Oh, yeah the starches too. We have to eat it all - but in moderation! Do I allow myself a "treat"? Sure I do, I have a bite size candy bar one or two times a week. I can't have soda - that's okay because it's not good for you anyways. It's been almost a year since I've had one anyways. But don't belittle me and say it is the easy way out, it's not, by any means! I just chose to get help to install a "tool" to HELP me through my weight loss, because everything else I've done in the past was only temporary fixes. I want to live until I'm 50 - the road I was traveling was leading to a huge cliff at the end that was going to bury me 6ft under. I have a beautiful, precious, and intelligent 9 year old daughter that I want to be around to see her graduate high school and college, get married (after she's 25), and see my grand kids (again when she's 25 or older). I have dreams, I want to see them all come true. This is going to help me (you hear me HELP me do the work to get it done!) So get off your high horse and until you walk in these shoes - stop slamming me (us) every chance you get! Just knock it off, if you don't have anything pleasant or nice to say to me then don't say it at all, I have better things than to be talked down to like that. To my WLS family - thanks for all the info and support, and experiences you all share with each of us at support (online or meetings) you are all great, and real people too. And for those "toxic friends" beware! As you all know there are "toxic family members too", those people are just NG (no good) for us and what we have to go through - the belittling and telling us we've made mistakes and look like crap - well here's to them "GO FLY A KITE, and LEAVE US ALONE"!

I rested and back at it

Well I took Tori's advice and rested the other day. It was hard. I didn't know what to do with myself. But have promised myself to take one day off a week from here on out. After letting my body rest I realized how tired I was and slept for four extra hours that day. The following day I realized my thighs felt like jell-o, they healed and I went back at it. Now I am off of work for a week. YAY!!! I'm so excited. Today I went to the store and placed so items on lay-away so I have them for home. There is an exercise ball, and 10lb dumb-bell, and resistance bands. I can use for home the days I don't go to the gym. Now all I want is an exercise step and a medicine ball. Then I will be set for these nasty days when it is too cold to go outside. I feel fine and I'm glad to be back down into a large shirt. I noticed yesterday that my uniform shirt that I have to wear for work is starting to look really baggy on me. The shoulder seams are down on my arms now and I have more breast and belly room in it. I am so glad that I decided to go along with this procedure - it has definitely helped my life turn around and what surprises me most is I love the high I get from doing the different exercises - I never would of imagined the feeling being so positive. Today at the gym working with Tori, she had me doing some jumps. JUMPS actually lifting both feet off the ground at the same time. It has been years since I've done anything like that - once I did it I started laughing. I thought wow, I'm doing this - my knees actually let me do it. Then we did some stairs and some laps around the gym on the indoor track, weights, and crunches. You are all probably tired of hearing this, but I am so proud of me for allowing myself to be me! I've lived in a cocoon for so long now - it's nice to started peeling it away. I was asked today what my goal weight is. I really don't have a goal weight! I have a goal size, I don't want to get upset if I can't make the weight - I figure the size is a better rule. I want to get my BMI in the normal range and out of the morbid obesity range (that's scarey) and when all is said and goal is met, I will let you know!!!! I PROMISE......

Time to rest

I met with my trainer yesterday. She told me that my muscles were tired, I could not do as much as I normally do (I was a bit upset, but understood at the same time). She told me to take today off - NO cardio and NO weights and NO Wii fitt! I looked at her as if she was nuts, as I have become addicted to the exercise. She assured me that all was going well, and that I will hurt myself if I don't give myself at least one day off each week. So today, I am going through withdrawal but instead of blowing or straining a muscle, I am taking her advise. It is so hard to sit back and not do it (the exercise). I am finding myself doing things that need to be done around the house, that I have procrastinated on, I am also finding myself getting bored today - mind you the time is only 9:18am. I have a long ways to go today. I have checked some emails, sent some out, booked a Tupperware party, and vacuumed my floor. This afternoon I have a First Aid class to attend, then tonight we have family game night. Sounds like a full day, right? Other than the class and game night everything is done. SO I think I will sit and read, then work on some of my girl scout files updates. Then maybe take a nap. Hopefully I won't returned to the "I'm bored, lets see what there is to eat" today. A year ago to be told not to exercise, would be no big deal - but now? I'm fighting myself to take a breather!

Frightful Weather

The weather outside maybe frightful, but it didn't keep me from my exercise. This weekend I spent every minute of my lunch break up in the gym at work. I did the elliptical for 15 minutes each day then pushed myself 20 minutes with the weights and machines. They were not full work outs but it I sure made them count. Even the snow Saturday night didn't hold me back, I still made it to the gym. I figured I was out and only 5 minutes from it, so I took advantage of that too. Talking to one of my friends at work today, I came to the realization that I may be getting addicted to the gym. I love exercise, I love working out and working to a sweat. A year ago, I never would of thought it possible. I joined the gym last May as it was my mother's day gift to me from myself. Ever since I've been really good at it. I can walk for a while now without being winded. I can run 1/4 of a mile now and not stop. I can almost do a sit up. I can look down the front of me and see my toes. I can also actually look down in front of myself and not see my stomach sticking out from my breast. These are awesome accomplishments. My meals are low fat, low carbs and high protein. I drink lots of fat free milk and water daily. I push myself just a bit more everyday. Tomorrow, I am hoping to go purchase an exercise ball and a medicine ball. Again - my family and friends make this all possible - THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT, IT SURE DOES HELP.

Sore, Tired, and Upset

Well I have been working my butt off at the gym. I am real sore and tired - but it is a good sore! One that I am proud of. But at the same time I'm a little upset with myself. I have gained back a few pounds and it really bothers me. It could be some fat turning to muscle - as muscle weighs more than fat - it could be because I've caught myself snacking because I've really been hungry lately - but trying no to over eat! I had a meeting tonight and have seen friends for the first time in about a month and they were impressed with the lost inches and the puffiness is gone in the face and the neck! That boosted my spirits up a bit. Support and encouragement are some of the most important things in this life altering adventure! For now Good Night and sweet dreams! HUGS to all

Wii

Well, I have borrowed my brother's wii fit game and balance board. It is so often, I have worked muscles that I haven't worked in years. Oh my, it is so fun and you don't even realize that you are getting your cardio workout in and raising your heart rate. Hopefully he will let me hang on to it for a while until I can get my own. If you ever have that chance you must try it. It also keeps track of your BMI and weight - it also gives you a mii age (an age it feels you are at physically). I average about 10 years older than I am. So that's not to bad. I am a bit sore today from playing on the wii and working out at the gym my thigh and hip muscles are a bit achy - but my not so wonderful knees are hanging in there without a hint of hesitation or whining - I am so glad. Well, back to work tomorrow after having an entire 3 day weekend off and not having to do or go anywhere with the exception of the gym. I love the new "me" I feel so much healthier and even lighter than before. While I was working out I was thinking about my Dr's office and Bob (he's like the big kahuna for the WLS) said to me - "I think you are going to do great, you have the mind set, and you have already taken the steps to improve yourself. You know what you want and you are doing it, not sitting back waiting for the band to work". Well, that is the key to anything - if you want to lose the weight, you need to get off your duff and stop procrastinating and do something. This thinking that oh I'll start tomorrow, never put off today for tomorrow. As Nike says " JUST DO IT" You have to want this for youself, and once you do it will all come to you. The thoughts are good, but they don't do any good if that is all they are. I got tired of thinking and had to do it, so I am here! This is me - I'm doing it the pounds are slowly melting away - but I like the pase it is not to drastic and I am giving my body a chance to tone at the same time....

Ringing in the New Year with my resolution.

Well, it is now 2009. Who ever would of thought it possible. I have made a pact with myself for the new year, since last years worked well for me. First I am going to continue last years and keep working on taking the "clutter" out of my life. I just want to live a simple life. So far so good it has been 368 days so far, and I keep getting rid of at least 3 things a day. What a difference it has made. Next, for 2009 I am going to fit into a size 10 and keep getting healthier. I made an imprint last year and have gone from a 24 to an 18 since March. So this year my starting size is 18. Let's see how I do. I also met with my trainer this morning, she's tough and I like her - together I will do well. I feel good right now a bit sore but good. All of you reading this need to check in with me on how things are going. I need all the support I can get, it will only make this journey easier. So I am counting on all of you! So what was your New Years resolution? Hopefully, to become healthier!

First Fill

Well, today was the day. I had my first fill. Back on full liquids for a day then pureed foods for a day then back to normal again. That is one thing that I never asked about was the diet after a fill. I had anticipated the routine but didn't know for sure. I was told that it would take 3 - 6 fills to be adjusted properly. Mr. Bob was surprised at the weight loss, made me feel good. I had my mom go with me so we can have some mom and me time the hour and a half car ride each direction, gave us some catch up time. It was nice! The pain was very minimal. It felt like a bee sting but it didn't linger like they do. It was the initial poke of the needle then it was gone. I was told my port is rather deep - but that's okay because there is a lot of insulation between my skin and the port - hopefully I can start shredding off some of the insulation. The nurse actually took some measurements of my waist and stomach area. WOW! It has shrunk some. Overall, so far I am happy with myself for changing everything about ME!!!! I go back in three weeks for another fill me up!

Would you do it again?

I was asked this question today. I never really thought of it, but my answer was "Hell Yah!" This procedure was my life line. I haven't had any issues other than getting the stomach bug and being scared as hell that the band has slipped. I've taken my time to heal. It's hard at the gym because I want to push forward, but tend to guard the stomach area still. My trainer is awesome - she helps a lot. But, yes - I would do it again in a heart beat. Luckily, right now that is not an option because it is all going well so far...

Happy New Years

Well the big day came and went. I slept through the New Year ball drop. The past two days have been miserable. I've been so hungry - but yet gassy after I eat or drink. Good thing I go to the Dr's tomorrow. I am hoping for another swallow study, and a desperate fill. I was told that after each fill I go back to soft proteins for 24 - 36 hours. But that is okay, I can handle it. My weight is hovering 200-197 right now. But once I get an adjustment I should be okay and it should start to slowly melt away again. I am so proud of myself. I think the past 11 days I've only had 6 or 7 cookies. Wow, I never would of thought that was possible to have that small amount. I've had 5 different Christmas' with family and 2 Christmas parties and I didn't sweat the small stuff. I ate little amounts and it didn't bother me, I thought it was funny when we went to a Christmas party at the Hitchin Post. I sat with 11 other people, and my plate was so naked compared to theirs. They had food piled high and made 3 or 4 trips each to the buffet, I had 3 wings and a half slice of pizza. I also had 2 glasses of water - most of them had beer or mixed drinks or soda. This is a huge accomplishment for me. I am so proud of myself and thank Kenny a bunch for all his support through this.